Christmas Cheer: This time of year, I like to listen to Christmas songs 24/7 for about 2 weeks and then forget about them until the following December. I also take great pleasure in composing humorous parodies to familiar songs I hear. So, it came as no surprise to me that as I was listening to Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer, the phrase "The most famous reindeer of all" magically morphed into "The most anxious patient of all." For several months I have been contemplating a blog devoted to my "most anxious patient of all," a Vizsla named Augustine. Once the muse appeared, I had no choice but to write a song about Augustine. But, try as I might, the lyric structure of "Rudolph" would not allow me enough latitude to do justice to Augustine's story.
No, not THAT song! Unfortunately, the only song that seemed to work was "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer." If you have never heard this song, I envy you. Once you hear it, you can never "unhear" it. I deeply apologize for bringing this song into your realm of awareness. However, if you want to fully appreciate this blog and my ode to to Augustine, you will need to become familiar with this piece. Click here, if you dare.
Augustine, the most anxious patient of all: I met Augustine when he an adolescent. The first thing I noticed when he entered my exam room was that he was scanning the ceiling obsessively. In fact, 70% of his time during that 3-hour appointment was spent scanning above him for insects. When not scanning, Augustine was sweet and affectionate, and drop-dead gorgeous. After our initial meeting, I had the pleasure of seeing Augustine and his family every year for the rest of his life. With a balance of medication, management, and behavior modification, we did get his scanning under control. But poor Augustine, his temperament was such that he went on to develop a plethora of other anxiety issues, including separation anxiety and extreme agitation on car trips, which made his annual trips from Virginia to Florida and Florida to Virginia a real challenge. On one occasion Augustine fell into the canal behind his Florida home and subsequently was fearful of venturing into the backyard at all, even if he was 50 yards from the edge of the canal!
So, please enjoy my parody of "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" entitled "Augustine Was A Very Anxious Vizsla." In order to fully appreciate the tune, please note that Augustine is pronounced "Augustine," with the emphasis on the second syllable. I have made a very basic recording of it being sung, which is available below the wedding picture. Do not judge.
Augustine Was A Very Anxious Viszla
(sung to Grandma Got Run Over By a Reindeer)
Augustine was a very anxious Vizsla
Started as a pup stung by a bee
He had a phobia of flying insects
And scanned up above compulsively
Life wasn’t easy for Augustine
Knowing insects were in flight
Like puppy dog vampire
He learned to only venture out at night
Then he found another option
Was to go down to the beach
Where the breeze along the ocean
Kept those scary bugs just out of reach
Augustine was a very anxious Vizsla
Started as a pup stung by a bee
He had a phobia of flying insects
And scanned up above compulsively
But that wasn’t all for our friend
So high strung, a toll it took
Augustine went on to develop
Every fear and phobia in the book
We thank our lucky stars for Prozac
Gave his family cause to hope
With a little touch of Xanax
Helped our pal Augustine learn to cope
Augustine was a very anxious Vizsla
Started as a pup stung by a bee
He had a phobia of flying insects
And scanned up above compulsively
Though I met him as a wee thing
Struggling with fear and strife
With his family’s dedication
Augustine lived a long and happy life
Because his issues didn’t define him
He was funny, sweet, and smart
Though high maintenance and quirky
Augustine walked away with all our hearts
Augustine was a very anxious Vizsla
Started as a pup stung by a bee
He had a phobia of flying insects
And scanned up above compulsively
Augustine was a very anxious Vizsla,
He didn’t see the world like you and me
We are thankful that we knew Augustine
He made our world a better place to be
Happy Holidays and fond memories of Augustine. The above picture is not of Augustine, but of his "bride," Nancy Drew dressed in Holiday finery.